Personal limits are essential for your well-being and mental health. Let’s explore what it means to set boundaries and how you can start setting healthy boundaries with others.
What Is a Boundary?
A personal boundary is a limit or rule you set for yourself. They define what behavior you’ll accept from others in your life.
Boundaries can be healthy, but they can also be rigid or loose.
Rigid boundaries can look like detachment or having very few close relationships. People with rigid boundaries may do everything they can to keep other people at a distance.
On the other hand, someone with open boundaries may find it hard to say ‘no’ when people make requests. They may also want to please others and put the needs of other people above their own. Oversharing personal information is another example of open boundaries.
Some people struggle to assert their boundaries due to a fear of conflict. They have a fear of making someone angry if they ask them to respect a boundary. Fear of confrontation is another huge factor for those who struggle to uphold healthy boundaries.
What Crossing a Boundary Looks Like
It’s not always easy to determine when your boundaries are being broken. It depends on what your boundaries look like.
But if you often find yourself:
- Justifying someone else’s bad behavior towards you
- Doubting your own decisions
- Getting ignored despite speaking up
Then it’s likely that someone is breaking your boundaries.
Verbal bullying is also common when boundaries get broken, but it doesn’t have to be present. For instance, some people will use guilt-tripping to pressure someone to loosen up a boundary. If someone in your family has ever guilt-tripped you into babysitting for free because they were tired, then you’ve experienced broken boundaries.
Keep in mind that someone who asks something from you isn’t breaking a boundary. But insisting despite you declining means this person is disregarding your boundaries.
5 Tips to Set Healthy Boundaries
Need help setting your boundaries? Try the following tips:
- Reflect on your boundaries: Before you can set your boundaries, you need to know what they are. Make sure your boundaries come from you — not from what others expect of you. Consider taking some time alone to meditate on the topic.
- Practice setting smaller boundaries: If setting boundaries feels uncomfortable or scary, start with smaller ones. For example, try saying “no” the next time someone invites you to go out on a day you need self-care.
- Set boundaries in all aspects of your life: Boundaries aren’t just for your personal relationships. You’re allowed to have boundaries at work, too. For example, you may want your colleagues to be respectful of your ideas. Or, you may have a limit for how many overtime hours you’re willing to work.
- Implement boundaries early: As soon as someone enters your life, start implementing those boundaries. The people in your relationships will have expectations from the start, which can help you avoid confusion or feelings of hurt.
- Stay consistent and communicate: Whenever you feel someone is crossing one of your boundaries — no matter at what level of gravity — speak up and communicate how you feel. Remind others that your boundaries are non-negotiable.
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